June lessons

one of the nicest birthday gift from a dear friend

This month, i've turned 22, i changed my id card *it's been 5 years! wow fast*
but i haven't changed my weight, bank account, and i havent done any resolution i made! zzzz

well, supposedly june is my month, but i guess it's not fully mine.

#1

i got a very nice offer last month to be a disscussant in one of korean-asean conference, i accepted it right away. as a discussant i need to make an essay, and done. after that the offer upgrade, i was offered to be a speaker of the conference. i shock. i asked my relatives and they pursued me to take that, so i did.
what happened after that is, i really worried and doubt my self, and sometimes blaming why i took that offer.
i busy imagining worst thing that would possibly happen.
i was so worried.
i was so doubtful.
the fact that i was a substitute of a great student in korean, and that maybe i was the only choice they have, frustated me more.

i couldn't have a proper sleep for more than a week.
i was so worried that even i can't smile or laugh or feeling the love i usually have when i see yunho *delusion mix*

then by the help of some great people, i made a decision, i may be can't be the perfect-great-analytic-brainy-ass-student who can describe anything with scientific or statistical data and did research and whatsoever refer to academical genius, so i came with a nice slide, showing what all the fan-girls wants; pictures and song of kpop. i imagined because it was scheduled to be young-asean panel, there will be many students.
at least, though i can't offer so much information from my slide, i can keep them focus and listen to the limited information i will share.

and tada!

exactly yesterday, was the conference day. i was surprised that it was quite different from my imagination, the audience are old peoples, mostly proffesor. i can not see young student so far.
and it turns out that what i've prepared is not a suitable one for the audience.

though some people are praising because they feel i show a nice one *well, it's all about kpop in indonesia, nothing special* i just feel incomplete

i heard from one of my friend, a critics she heard while i'm showing my presentation.
'it's not a proper presentation for audience like them, they were all bored'

well, i guess i can't make all people satisfied, i'm human.

first lesson; don't ever expect all the people will like you, will satisfied with your work if you still have ears, and eyes. hoping them to like you is okay, i guess.


#2
i suddenly got a call from a company, prestigious company for me, an offer to do internship.
i need my pocket full, and this company offer more than what i need. the experience working in that company will also brighten up my CV.
but the process is not that easy, i have to do an interview, in which i sucks, always.

i practice harder than my previous interview *i failed an interview before, for a prestigious company, also*
i sooo want to be in that company.
i want to be a part of them. gaining something more interesting from my previous internship experience plus get some cash, incredible!

i tried to prepare my heart from the beginning, as if i will failed

but the preparation i made in my heart maybe insufficient, i still just can't accept it
i failed for another one.

second lesson: buy a big teddy bear, whenever you made an insufficient preparation you can just kick, punch, or mutilate the teddy bear. not blaming yourself