it's a marriage! and i just still can't believe it!

well on july 1st i went to a friend wedding.

to say her as a best friend, we've been too long not contacting each other 

but to say her as a good friend, she is way more than that.

she is special, in case for everything,

been keeping my biggest secret the whole time,

been teaching me for being 'me'

been humble all this time,

been understanding and just staying calm through everything,

and been standing by my side on the darkest, the norak-est, the most stupid time in my life,

she is, indeed, a special friend

oh okay, tears just start dropping and i dont know why memories keep flashing by 

on the day i heard she's getting married, i was shock, literally a shock that cause me to contact her directly and ask, 'for real are you getting married this year?' it was 3 months prior.

seeing her as simple as she always be, i nearly forgot that she's getting married 

untill a day before her marriage, i stopped by her house and share stories to each other, sharing laughter and sharing miseries. i just can't believe it was a day before her marriage,

i attend her wedding, from the start,

one thing that i always envy her is that she never look nervous, she is a calming person, though she might be like a commoner lady-in-the-age which is bawel sometimes, but she always cool, she is really confident and ikhlas for everything.

untill the wedding end, i just cant believe that she was just married,

it's unbelievable, because i still can recall the day we queue for harry potter 1st movie, playing dirt together on fasting month, go to the swimming pool by foot, pressing people doorbell and run together, stalking our neighborhood crush, get to taraweh together......

it was more than 6 years ago, it was more than 8 years ago,

i feel a bit empty seeing her wedding and just get involved in the last minute preparations,

skip some time on her precious time,

been neglecting to contact her,

forgot to give her souvenir from everywhere

those guilt that mixed with a happiness that she somehow get married to a nice man *which we start to know together, and i was there from the very beginning on their relation*  have me feel.... can you know what is the best word to explain what i feel? i feel happy but i also feel guilty.

anyway, though i just cant believe that she's married, i really want to wish her a happy and forever long lasting marriage. Wish they could also have a very nice family, get to top together and forever be happy :D

hujan

bukan dasar dari keinginan,
kenyataan kalahkan impian...

saat desakan inginkan jawaban
hati membersit pertanyaan

sempat anganku rubahkan haluan
namun hujan menyapu keraguan...

Selamat datang dunia perubahan!

malu meminta maaf, sesat di akhirat

hmmfft...
Bismillah dulu sebelum memulai pos ya...

mengapa judul pos kali ini mengerikan?
karena pada dasarnya apa yang ada di benak saya kali ini sangat mengerikan
sebuah kenyataan yang masih sering saya lupakan keberadaannya; yakni kematian-- sedang sering hadir di mimpi-mimpi saya...di pikiran saya, dan di manapun....

terutama hari ini,
setelah mengetahui sebuah peristiwa tragis yang menewaskan banyak orang, dan setelah saya menonton sebuah film mengenai kematian, saya jadi banyak berpikir...

sudah terlalu banyak dosa-dosa yang saya buat untuk siapapun sepanjang 22 tahun saya hidup...
atau mungkin sebelum saya lahir, ketika saya masih berada di janin ibu saya...

saya yakin dosa saya terutama terhadap Tuhan amatlah banyak,
namun saya meyakini juga, permohonan maaf saya kepada Tuhan akan lebih mungkin untuk dimaafkan,
karena saya yakin dan sadar bahwa Tuhan itu pemaaf....

tapi bagaimana dengan kesalahan saya dengan semua manusia dan makhluk lainnya?
semua tergantung pada -semua orang dan makhluk lainnya- tersebut, karenanya...
untukmu, untuk kalian, yang tidak bisa saya sebutkan satu persatu,

mohon maafkan segala kesalahan yang telah saya perbuat,
entah itu saya sadari maupun tidak,
mohon maafkan dari hati kalian yang paling dalam meski mungkin kalian sudah lupa dengan rasa sakit yang dirasakan ketika saya menyakiti kalian, langsung atau tidak langsung......


mohon maafkan jika saya memiliki berbagai macam hutang yang saya miliki, hutang apapun, lisan hingga materi....jika bahkan kamu tidak mengingat apa hutang tersebut, mohon di ikhlaskan...



terima kasih...

inspirational rain

this week is a rainy week, i like the rain as long as i don't have to be in it. a windy-cool-breeze weather is actually a lovely one, for me. yet not for mommy or for those who involved in cleaning-drying clothes business.. and so other who live near the river. well, talking about rainy days, i would like to put some inspirational quotes from rain, the sexy male singer from korea (sorry for posting such an unrelated things, one to other). blame my lame jokes sense.

“Opportunity and success will come to those who wait. I believe that there is a car called Fate in life. Everyone is riding on a car of fate, just that for some, the road they’re on has traffic, which just requires a change in lane to pick up the pace again.”

 “I’d like to tell my juniors and everyone around me that if you work hard and wait, all of your dreams and hopes can come true.”

his answer has, somehow, give me a strong vibrant and motivated me facing my next life chapter.

grumble

Blessed to be alive up till now, it's 2012. 

I made a decision not to celebrate new year eve and minimizing new year greeting as many as possible. 

Yet year by year passed, I still lack in many things, simply lack of everything. 

What might come this year? 

absolutely bad and good things will always there, am I ready? 

I think too much about what other might think.

It's depressing.

Human life. why so complex?

disorder

"rezeki setiap orang itu berbeda" -bapak, mama, dan hampir semua orang di dunia.

awalnya saya yakin bahwa rezeki setiap orang itu berbeda, murni karena kehendak Tuhan.

lambat laun, terkait beberapa kejadian yang saya alami, saya menganggap, rezeki itu berbeda karena perbedaan usaha setiap manusia untuk mengejarnya. 

bagaimana bentuknya sebuah rezeki memang tak bisa kita nilai, sama halnya dengan usaha, seberapa besar usaha yang kita lakukan belum tentu setara dengan besarnya usaha yang dilakukan orang lain. capacity difference.

tetapi asumsi yang saya buat itu, nyatanya hanya sebuah proses pendukungan akan ketamakan yang semakin menjadi. saya tak berusaha memaknai perbedaan rezeki sebagai sebuah keajaiban Tuhan yang harus saya syukuri, semakin berbeda maka seharusnya saya semakin bersyukur, menunjukkan bahwa kuasa Tuhan nyata adanya, setiap orang istimewa dengan perlakuannya.

saya selalu merasa saya bisa/harus mendapatkan sesuatu karena usaha saya, baru kemudian sedikit mengingat bahwa saya dibantu dengan kuasa Tuhan sebagai finishing-nya. saya sombong.

akhirnya saya selalu merasa sebuah kekalahan bukanlah sebuah hal yang bisa diterima. 

saya tidak bisa menerima kekalahan.

apa yang saya inginkan harus saya dapatkan.

sampai kapan?

iri, dengki, kesal justru jadi hal hal yang saya perdalam. bukannya, bersyukur, berdoa dan berusaha lagi.

jealousy.

God, i'm lost here

help me find positivity over jealousy

ps : dear friend, i'm sorry for blaming you as my biggest reason why i didn't get that opportunities.

sorry.

D

today,
one of my nicest friend, mbak ai, lost his father.
i don't know him, never met him,

but....
knowing mbak ai as a wonderful and cheerful person,
i'm sure the father stay behind her back all this loong time
all this years mbak ai been alive

tonight i kept thinking about mbak ai and his father's death,
how will she live her life, will it be the same as before?
how does she feels?
is she being sad and depressed?

the thought about this father and daughter relationship,
the things always come to mind, whenever, wherever..

though this post will look like a shit,
i will keep writing on this, and send my deep condolesence to my dearest mbak ai,

hope to see this kind of smile soon,
be tough like you always be,

love. yuni

June lessons

one of the nicest birthday gift from a dear friend

This month, i've turned 22, i changed my id card *it's been 5 years! wow fast*
but i haven't changed my weight, bank account, and i havent done any resolution i made! zzzz

well, supposedly june is my month, but i guess it's not fully mine.

#1

i got a very nice offer last month to be a disscussant in one of korean-asean conference, i accepted it right away. as a discussant i need to make an essay, and done. after that the offer upgrade, i was offered to be a speaker of the conference. i shock. i asked my relatives and they pursued me to take that, so i did.
what happened after that is, i really worried and doubt my self, and sometimes blaming why i took that offer.
i busy imagining worst thing that would possibly happen.
i was so worried.
i was so doubtful.
the fact that i was a substitute of a great student in korean, and that maybe i was the only choice they have, frustated me more.

i couldn't have a proper sleep for more than a week.
i was so worried that even i can't smile or laugh or feeling the love i usually have when i see yunho *delusion mix*

then by the help of some great people, i made a decision, i may be can't be the perfect-great-analytic-brainy-ass-student who can describe anything with scientific or statistical data and did research and whatsoever refer to academical genius, so i came with a nice slide, showing what all the fan-girls wants; pictures and song of kpop. i imagined because it was scheduled to be young-asean panel, there will be many students.
at least, though i can't offer so much information from my slide, i can keep them focus and listen to the limited information i will share.

and tada!

exactly yesterday, was the conference day. i was surprised that it was quite different from my imagination, the audience are old peoples, mostly proffesor. i can not see young student so far.
and it turns out that what i've prepared is not a suitable one for the audience.

though some people are praising because they feel i show a nice one *well, it's all about kpop in indonesia, nothing special* i just feel incomplete

i heard from one of my friend, a critics she heard while i'm showing my presentation.
'it's not a proper presentation for audience like them, they were all bored'

well, i guess i can't make all people satisfied, i'm human.

first lesson; don't ever expect all the people will like you, will satisfied with your work if you still have ears, and eyes. hoping them to like you is okay, i guess.


#2
i suddenly got a call from a company, prestigious company for me, an offer to do internship.
i need my pocket full, and this company offer more than what i need. the experience working in that company will also brighten up my CV.
but the process is not that easy, i have to do an interview, in which i sucks, always.

i practice harder than my previous interview *i failed an interview before, for a prestigious company, also*
i sooo want to be in that company.
i want to be a part of them. gaining something more interesting from my previous internship experience plus get some cash, incredible!

i tried to prepare my heart from the beginning, as if i will failed

but the preparation i made in my heart maybe insufficient, i still just can't accept it
i failed for another one.

second lesson: buy a big teddy bear, whenever you made an insufficient preparation you can just kick, punch, or mutilate the teddy bear. not blaming yourself

L post

currently sulking my self in academic life bring me up to a conclusion that is, 

i am so Lebay and Loser.
Lebay is indonesian slang words, formed from Lebih which is a word that describe something more than what or how it is needed. Lebih, the extra act, word, and else.
or best to describe is exaggerate 
Loser, for me, means, someone who start something and run away from finishing it.
i know i don't have it all the time, but at some critical time, i always have it.
as time goes by, i wish my L side will disappear.


Regards, 


L girl!


ps: got this lovely rose pic from madam ai, a friend of mine, currently living as nuclear lab-prisoner student in Korea. sometimes whinning, but always end up winning. i want to be like her! tough~

trust

is it hard to get trust? YES

is it hard to trust? YES

T-R-U-S-T

Ikhlas

ikhlas seperti membagi foto ini di blog hehehe

credit to : highcut.co.kr

meski ikhlas itu ilmu paling absurd sedunia dan sampe sekarang nggak tahu arti intinya gimana, hanya sekedar paham batiniah hehe, jadi batin ini berucap


semoga kalo semua yang dijalanin ikhlas akan jadi sesuatu yang lebih berkah.

hari hari hari

rizka-yuni-della

RABU, 3 JUNI 2009!!!

hari terakhir gw berumur 19 tahun.
hari terakhir jadi remaja!
hahah ajojing lah gw bersama rizka dan della ke tebet, daerah terkenal tempat abg a.k.a remaja pada nongkrong.khukhukhu (ps; as always, della di ajakan terakhir..)
pertama kita makan mie ceker. gw-rizka makan mie ayam bakso ceker, della yamin ceker.
enak?
enak banged. apalagi kondisi gw dan della waktu itu, belum makan pagi dan capek abis nungguin kereta ekonomi ke tebet. selesailah gw-della makan mie ceker, dalam waktu kurang dari 10 menit! sugoi ne? barbar iya kali deh. hahahha

habis itu kita ke cheese cake factory.
karena kekenyangan yang mesen awalnya cuma gw.
yang gw pesen namanya baked alaska, isinya ice-cream 2 lapis sama kue dibawahnya, dibalur (ditutup) sama gula yang dikocok aduh lupa namanya. di atasnya ada potongan strawberry. enak sih tapi terlalu manis dan salah mesen nih itungannya, karena nggak ada cheese cakenya sama sekali! padahal niatan awal pengen nyobain cheese cakenya. nyaw.

pulangnya naik kereta lagi dari tebet ke kalibata, soalnya si della di jemput di kalibata. yah gw, nebeng as always. lucunya waktu baru nyampe stasiun nggak berapa kemudian ada kereta ekonomi dan tapi cuma 4 gerboong sedangkan yang nunggu udah numpuk kayak cucian kotor. begonya gw ikutan ngejar2 gerbong itu lagi. padahal udah tau pasti nggak bakal masuk. hmm boleh lah sedikit berharap.

akhirnya gw terpaksa nunggu lahi ya kira2 30 menit kali deh nungguin kereta ekonomi itu.
habis itu sih ya udah nebeng della sampe ke bintaro!
pas pulang udah disambut senyuman sumringah nyokab gw.
i really love that smile...=)


KAMIS, 4 JUNI 2009

yay! akhirnya 20 tahun, semakin berat beban hidup gw.
Alhamdulillah, terima kasih ALLAH, memberikan kesempatan untuk hidup sampai 20 tahun, dan selalu dalam lindunganMu...

bangun, err lebih tepatnya terbangun karena telepon masuk dari temen arab gw yang cantik luar biasa, sebut saja rizka foto di atas sebelah kiri. habis itushalat. tidur lagi. bangun. shalat subuh. tidur. bangun. dapet duit. tidur lagi.
gila ya hari pertama umur dua puluh kerjaan gw cuma tidur doang! hahahha

jam 8-an bangun, siap2 ke rumah nanien.
jam 10an baru tau ternyata batal ke rumah nanien.
huh
akhirnya nonton gosip manohara sama prita mulyasari
di telp anggi, minta ketemuan buat ambil mmc
ke kampus deh..huhuhu
mampir di citos bentar habis itu langsung ke kosan, ngembaliin mmc.

jam 3an syilfi dateng, ke detos deh..nggak ada kerjaan banged ya!
akhirnya gw leha leha di kosan, sambil gangguin si el (tetangga gw) yang lagi bikin tugas uas. jahat ya gw. bodo ah. hahah

errr oh iya, waktu nungguin bikun mau ke detos, gw ketemu BIPA lucu favorit gw (baca : masa!). waktu pulang juga gw ketemu lagi.. aiiiih senangnya hatikuuuuuuu~

hmm udah umur 20 tahun, ini dia wish list gw...

1. lebih sering tersenyum
2. belajar menjinakkan riak-riak ombak emosi
3. belajar lebih menghargai orang
4. lebih rajin beribadah
5. belajar bahasa lebih banyak
6. lebih niat kuliah....

semoga semua yang gw harapkan terjadi. amin amin YA ALLAH...

bingung

saya bingung, setiap saya berjalan selalu ada hal yang saya pikirkan.
bahkan sepertinya saya punya waktu yang terlalu banyak untuk berpikir tapi tidak pernah merealisasikannya.

saya bingung, saya punya segudang cerita di kepala saya tapi saya tidak tahu bagaimana saya harus menceritakannya.

saya bingung, prinsip saya seperti tidak mendapat dukungan dari lingkungan sekitar saya.
apa yang harus saya lakukan?

saya bingung, orang yang seharusnya saya hormati malah mati jiwanya, menolak dihormati lewat perbuatannya. mau kemana lagi saya?

saya bingung, kehidupan sepertinya semakin tidak ramah saja. saya coba bersikap angkuh malah semakin di-tidak-ramahkan. nah lo?

semakin hari saya semakin bingung, apa yang harus saya lakukan? bagaimana saya seharusnya?
semakin saya berpikir semakin mau gila rasanya.

semakin hari saya semakin bosan hidup. nah lo!
apa yang harus saya lakukan??

gegar teknologi!

selain gegar budaya a.k.a shock culture a.k.a culture shock, ternyata ada juga gegar teknologi.

hahhaah

baru tau banged ternyata gw adalah orang yang mengalami gegar-teknologi

gmn enggak?

gw sangat kaget dengan perubahan teknologi yang sangat cepat bagaikan perubahan suhu udara di jakarta saat ini,

ngedit blog aja nggak bisa nih..

HAHAHAHHA